is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
