i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
