Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize