Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
