She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
