I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
