he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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