sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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