is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
