I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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