Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
