it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
