the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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