I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
