We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
