: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
