6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
