He disabled his match.com account in front of me
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
