Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
