My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
