That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
