Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I think my moral compass just broke
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
