im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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