i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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