last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
