sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
