I can text with my tongue
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
