She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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