just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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