then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
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