I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
