Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
