like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
