the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Panties = found
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize