I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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