We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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