My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
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