:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
