By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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