Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
