This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
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