I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
