booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
