How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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