The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
