he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
