My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
