drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
