mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Randomize
