i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
