so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
