OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
