i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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