It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Randomize