i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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