The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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