i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize