New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize