Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
