$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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