dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
