Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize