the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
