I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
